Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
