If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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