so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
