i need an iv and a liver transplant
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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