you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
