What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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