dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
