we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
