Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
