I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
