Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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