I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
