Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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