Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Randomize
