we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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