Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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