Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
