He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
