everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
