mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize