just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
two words...techno handjob
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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