I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
