Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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