I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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