so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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