what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
