where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
