Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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