I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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