Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
