This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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