I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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