Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
