took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
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He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize