I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
