I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
