She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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