sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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