Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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