I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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