the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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