are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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