1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
