at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
