he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
