she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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