Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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