we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
