I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
