this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
