whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
