i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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