Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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