Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
