I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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