for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
