Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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