Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
tell me about the eggs
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
