I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I need to stop coming to work sober
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
