there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
