Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
