Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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