would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
