My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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