I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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