She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
