Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
