My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
