I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
