so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
