Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
