laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
