Your face is a jimmy john
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
