Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
