Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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