He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
