I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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