bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
