My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
