The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
